Top 10 Cell Phone Pet Peeves

10. Driving and not paying attention

I can't tell you how often I see someone pull a bonehead driving maneuver and when I pull up next to them to give them a friendly wave, they've got their cell phone glued to their face. STOP THE MADNESS! THINK OF THE CHILDREN! JUST SAY NO! Whatever it takes. Just don't drive talking on the cell phone, because even if you think it doesn't hurt your driving, your driving wasn't that great to begin with. Try this experiment. The next time you've been involved in a critical conversation while you're driving, look in the rear view mirror. I'm willing to bet that anyone you can see in that mirror a) knows you're on the cell phone and b) wishes you a long, excruciatingly painful death.

9. Trendy cell phone ring tones

Cell phone ring tones are an expression of your personality, and it's an easy way to let your friends and co-workers as well as a large group of total strangers what a puerile moron you really are, on the inside. The only thing worse than trendy cell phone ring tones are old trendy cell phone ring tones. I set my phone on vibrate 99% of the time. Sure, I downloaded the freshest vibrate rhythms from vibrate.com, but they aren't inflicted on the rest of the world.

8. People who never call your home or office phone anymore

Some people will never call your land line anymore because they know your cell phone number. My cell phone is a work phone, and I usually don't turn it on on the weekend. It happens to be on right now because I grabbed it when I went out to lunch, just in case I had a flat tire or something. When I'm in the office I forward my cell phone to my office phone, because I travel a lot and people have gotten so lazy that they don't bother to call my office phone, they call my cell phone first and ask "Where are you?" Why do I even have a home phone? Since my neighbors built their McMansion I can't get decent reception in the house.

7. Letting it ring

The only thing more annoying than listening to some idiot's idiotic ring tone is having to listen to some idiot's idiotic ring tone over and over and over. People who screen their calls and just let it ring are idiots. All it takes is to touch any button on the phone and the idiocy will stop. Some people think that muting doesn't apply to them, or can't figure out how to mute the phone, so their phones go off in meetings, in restaurants, and even in the movie theater. Then they're too embarrassed (and rightly so) to answer it so they just let it ring. Everyone knows who that idiot is anyway. Take the phone out of your purse, turn off the ringer, and then apologize to everyone in the room.

6. Taking every single call

Some people have to take every single call that comes in. They say things like "Excuse me, I have kids!" or "It's my job, I'm in sales!" like no one else on the planet ever had kids or a job, and if they did they would be criminally negligent if they didn't have 100% communication availability with the grandparents/babysitter/nanny/kids/boss/customer/secretary. Well, most of the world grew up without parents or a job that had cell phones and turned out fine. Why are you so @#$&! special? The ultimate in feedback of your ranking in another person's priorities is when she takes a call in the middle of your conversation with her, and it turns out to be a wrong number. "[brightly] Sorry! Thought it might be important" [Note from Drew: I was using the term brightly as a double entendre] Someone interrupting your conversation just to look at their caller ID to decide whether to interrupt your conversation is telling you that you are less important than their cell phone. It's like looking at your watch during a conversation, it's impolite and offensive.

5. People who talk loudly on cell phones

People who don't seem to care or be aware that they are subjecting you to their entire (should be) private conversations, like on one of those tiny rental-car buses, in restaurants, or on a plane. Here's a clue: if other people talk and you can hear them, then they can hear your cell phone conversation in its entirety. People seem to be forced to pay more attention when they can only hear half a conversation. It's apparently easier to tune out the continuous drone of a complete conversation, where two people take turns speaking, than it is to ignore someone speaking only part of the time. Wait until you can have a decent conversation, get up from the table if you absolutely have to take a call, and step out into a more public area. DO NOT take a call in the bathroom. I can only speak for the men's room, but the old unwritten rule was that you could only speak to someone in the bathroom if they are doing what you are doing, e.g. if you're both washing your hands, okay, if one of you is taking care of business and the other is done, the conversation stops. No talking whatsoever in a stall, unless you are both in the same stall together. That rule should be extended to cell phones, you can only talk to people who are also in the same bathroom doing what you are doing.

4. People who keep saying "are you there, can you hear me?"

There's two versions of this one, first there are the people who interrupt every sentence they say with "are you there, can you hear me?" and second, there are the people who get a call, or who's call dropped, who repeat "are you there, can you hear me?" about a thousand times. I say "Hello" twice. Then I hang up. They WILL call back, or it WASN'T that important. Please stop. That Verizon joke stopped being funny about four years ago and it has rapidly transitioned through annoying to "[in Will Ferrell's voice] I WILL KILL YOU!!!"

3. Super loud ringers

Certain phones must be designed for senior citizens with hearing problems, because their ring tones are an order of magnitude louder than normal. If you have one of these, DO NOT set the ringer volume on the highest setting, even if you are a senior citizens with hearing problems. Not everyone wants to hear your tight new "Hello Eileen" polyphonic ring tone.

2. People who go through the checkout line talking on the cell phone

Seriously, get off the phone when you are interacting with another human being. It's only common courtesy. I know it's tempting to put those cocky grocery store checkout clerks in their place, with their condescending "I'm all that" attitudes, by not acknowledging their existance and carrying on a critical conversation like "I'm grocery shopping, what are you doing?" but really it's impolite. Just give them an obviously fake smile, mispronounce the name on their nametag, and argue about whether something is on sale or not. Ask to speak to a manager. Count all your coin change twice.

1. The Borg

These are the people who wear an ear-piece all the time, even when they're not on the phone. This is like being on the phone and talking to someone else with them. No one knows if you're talking to them or on the phone. Very disturbing. Plus it looks idiotic.