Things to do in Dallas

- Eat mexican food (not that fake Mexican food from Mexico, but real genuine Tex-Mex)

- Buy some Western clothing (like a hat or a western shirt or a vest)

- Root for the Cowboys, maybe get the Cowboys star tattooed on you somewhere

- Have a tequila shot. Real good tequila, like Herradura or Tres Generaciones or Patron (in that order)

- Look down your nose at Houstonians

- (for ladies) Style your hair real big and tall. Perhaps blue eye shadow.

- Be loud and obnoxious

- Go to the original Neiman Marcus and buy a $1,000 pair of shoes, hopefully made from some marginally endangered species

- (for ladies) Chew some tobacco

- Buy a Cadillac, put horns on the front, then drink and drive. Litter.

- Shoot J.R.